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A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with his toys as she was dusting, he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?"
Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend."
angry-old-lady.jpgGrandma turned on the TV, and the rece ption was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.
The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door and there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said, "Hello son, is your Grandma home?"
The little boy replied, "Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend."
The minister fainted.
Now, that's funny.....I don't care who you are!
HOW TO RECRUIT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THE JOB?
Put about 100 bricks in some Particular order in a closed Room with an Open window.
Then send 2 or 3 candidates in
The room and close the door.
Leave them alone and come back
After 6 hours and then analyze
The situation.
If they are counting the
Bricks.
Put them in the Accounts
Department.
If they are recounting them..
Put them in auditing ..
If they have messed up the
Whole place with the bricks.
Put them in engineering.
If they are arranging the
Bricks in some strange order.
Put them in planning.
If they are throwing the
Bricks at each other.
Put them in operations .
If they are sleeping.
Put them in security.
If they have broken the bricks
Into pieces.
Put them in information
Technology.
If they are sitting idle.
Put them in human resources.
If they say they have tried
Different combinations, yet
Not a brick has
Been moved. Put them in sales.
If they have already left for
The day.
Put them in marketing...
If they are staring out of the
Window.
Put them on strategic
Planning..
And then last but not least.
If they are talking to each
Other and not a single brick
Has been
Moved.
Congratulate them and put them
In Top management
wag po kayo magalit tungkol dito..but share ko lang sa inyo, pulot lng.
The Dilemma of Accounting in Filipino ACCOUNTANTS (Pagtutuos), TAKE NOTE!!!
A Bill filed by Sen. Lito Lapid asks that proposed laws should be written in Filipino (Pilipino). Likewise, the official spoken language in the Senate should be Filipino. But I doubt this Bill will see the light of day. Read on to know why. Ang Paggamit ng Wikang Pilipino
A young, good-looking representative from Laguna sponsored a Bill recommending the Filipino language be used in all levels of accounting firms and banking institutions. The solon claimed it will provide a better understanding of the business transactions for those who are inexperienced and non-English speaking citizens. The Bill received unanimous approval from the House and was presented to the President for signature to become the law of the land. But, in spite of the overwhelming pressure from the members of Congress, the President vetoed the bill. WHY?
She explained that when the English "business" words are translated in Tagalog, they sound very malicious (malaswa) and are "nakaka-hiya at Nakaka-kilabot" !
Here are a few sample words - English to Filipino
Asset - Ari
Fixed Asset - Nakatirik na Ari
Liquid Asset - Basang Ari
Solid Asset - Matigas na Ari
Owned Asset - Sariling Pag-aari
Other Asset - Ari ng Iba
Miscellaneous Asset - Iba't-ibang klaseng Ari
Asset Write-Off - Pinutol na Pag-a ari
Depreciation of Asset - Laspag na Pag-aari
Fully Depreciated Asset - Laspag na laspag na Pag-aari
Earning Asset - Tumutubong Pag-aari
Working Asset - Ganado pa ang Ari
Non-Earning Asset - Baldado na ang Ari
Erroneous Entry - Mali ang Pagka-Pasok
Double Entry - Dalawang Beses Ipinasok
Multiple Entry - Labas Pasok nang Labas Pasok
Correcting Entry - Itinama ang Pag Pasok
Reversing Entry - Baligtad ang Pagka Kapasok
Dead Asset - Patay na ang ARI
A Husband and Wife, Both were very happy over the twelve pound baby boy that was born to them. Mr. Brown who could not conceal his delight, called up the editor of a famous newspaper and reported that he became the proud owner of a twelve pound nugget of gold.
The editor upon hearing the seemingly extraordinary news was rather hesitant to accept it at its face value. So he sent his star reporter to interview Mr. Brown.
When the reporter came, Mr. Brown was away and his wife was alone at home..
The following interesting conversation took place between the reporter and Mrs. Brown.
Reporter: Does Mr. Brown Live here?
Mrs. Brown: Oh! Yes. Reporter: Is he in?
Mrs. Brown: Why no, he went somewhere.
Reporter: Is it true that he owns a twelve pound nugget of gold?
Mrs. Brown: (Seeing the joke) Yes, indeed.
Reporter: Can I see the place where he found it?
Mrs. Brown: I am afraid, not because Mr. Brown! Objects in as much as it is strictly private.
Reporter: Is the place far?
Mrs. Brown: No, it is quite near and convenient.
Reporter: How many years has Mr. Brown been digging the hole?
Mrs. Brown: Just for about ten months.
Reporter: Is the hole deep?
Mrs. Brown: Quite so...
Reporter: Has Mr.. Brown reached the bottom of it?
Mrs. Brown: Not yet, but he is coming near...
Reporter: At about what time does Mr. Brown starts digging?
Mrs. Brown: Oh, he does his digging mostly at night.
Reporter: Does he work hard on it?
Mrs. Brown: You bet......... ..and how he perspires.
Reporter: Is Mr. Brown the first to dig?
Mrs. Brown: He thought he was...
Reporter: How do you know there was someone ahead! of him?
Mrs. Brown: I am in a good position to say so, because I own the place.
Reporter: Oh, I see, but you sold the place to Mr. Brown?
Mrs. Brown: No, but for the present, he has the legal title to the site, with my consent.
Reporter: Has Mr. Brown any helper when he works on the claim?
Mrs. Brown: Yes, I work under him...
Reporter: When do you think Mr. Brown will sell the place?
Mrs. Brown: I think not because he enjoys working on it.
Reporter: Can I see the twelve pound nugget of gold?
Mrs. Brown: Yes, certainly (and she showed him the twelve pound baby boy).
The reporter had to be taken to the hospital in an ambulance.
Happiness is our essential nature.
Rather than waiting for external events to determine our happiness, we can find it deep inside ourselves. Perhaps we think we have to be relaxed and calm, or that all sorts of conditions must exist for us to be happy. This is not the case; happiness can exist for no reason. The more we practice smiling, laughing and enjoying ourselves for no reason, the more we will discover that we already have what we seek.
Many of us know that laughter is good for us, but we might feel that we have nothing to laugh about; we may feel more like crying. The second stage of The Mystic Rose can help us to release and heal old wounds, unburden sorrows and discover deep peace within.
So try some laughter techniques, but be kind and gentle with yourself. And remember: If you are in the midst of a difficult time in your life, commit an equal amount of time to allow your sadness to exist. The balanced awareness and expression of both of these energies will bring you to a deeper harmony and peace within yourself.
The Benefits
Laughter is good for us in every way as several studies have shown. (See, for example, articles by N. Lehrman in Archives of Internal Medicine, April 26,1993; by Lee Berk, Dr. P.H. in Loma Linda University School of Medicine News, March 11,1999; by N.Silver in American Health, November 1986; by J. McCormick in Lancet, August 1994.
Among these findings:
* Laughter stimulates physical healing.
* Laughter enhances our creativity.
* Laughter is rejuvenating and regenerating.
* Laughter is sexy.
* Laughter is good for relationships.
* Laughter opens the heart.
* Laughter gives us a glimpse of freedom from the mind.
The Laughter Meditation
When you wake up in the morning, stretch your body-every muscle, cell and fiber-just like a cat. After a few moments, start laughing. Just start. At the beginning you may have to force it a little, saying 'Ha, Ha, Ha,' or 'Ho, Ho, Ho' to get the laughter energy moving. Soon, a spontaneous laughter will arise at the sound of your attempts at laughing. Try it for five minutes. Just laugh for no reason at all. Laugh for the sake of laughing.
Try it again for five minutes when you go to bed, just before you go to sleep. Try it in the shower or while driving your car in traffic. Ha, Ha, Ha. Even to say those words out loud will start a transformation in your energy, in your mood.
At the beginning, it will take some effort; you might want to use a laughter CD to help you get started. After a little while, it will start to happen naturally. Your body will get used to it, will start to expect it.
Laughter is one of the easiest ways to free yourself from the mind's constant thought process and find inner peace. It will make you more alive, more healthy, more creative, and more silent. Simply relax into the enjoyment. You will discover in yourself a tremendous natural talent for rejoicing in life. You may even laugh your way to enlightenment. Yes, it's that good. Remember to laugh-a lot-every day.
1) You can GET chocolate.
2) "If you love me you`ll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate.
3) Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.
4) You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.
5) You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.
6) You can have chocolate even in front of your mother.
7) If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won`t mind.
8) Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names.
9) The word "commitment" doesn`t scare off chocolate.
10) You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during working hours without upsetting your co-workers.
11) You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.
12) You don`t get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.
13) With chocolate there`s no need to fake it.
14) Chocolate doesn`t make you pregnant.
15) You can have chocolate at any time of the month.
16) Good chocolate is easy to find.
17) You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.
18) You are never too young or too old for chocolate.
19) When you have chocolate it does not keep your neighbors awake.
20) With chocolate size doesn`t matter.
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