A Little Guy
A little guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his drink for half an hour when this big trouble-making biker steps next to him, grabs his drink, gulps it down in one swig and then turns to the guy with a menacing stare as if to say, 'What'cha gonna do about it?' The poor little guy starts crying. 'Come on man I was just giving you a hard time,' the biker says. 'I didn't think you'd CRY.' 'I can't stand to see a man crying. "This is the worst day of my life," says the little guy between sobs. "I can't do anything right." "I overslept and was late to an important meeting, so my boss fired me." When I went to the parking lot, I found my car was stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife in bed with the gardener and my dog bit me. So I came to this bar trying to work up the courage to put an end to my life, and then you show up and drink the damn poison.

A plane leaves Los Angeles airport under the control of a Jewish captain. His copilot is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together, and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike. Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captain activates the auto-pilot, leans back in his seat, and mutters, 'I don't like Chinese.' 'No like Chinese?' asks the copilot, '....why not?' 'You people bombed Pearl Harbor, that's why !' 'No, no,' the co-pilot protests, 'Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah! That Japanese, not Chinese.' 'Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese.. . doesn't matter, you're all alike!' There's a few minutes of silence. 'I no like Jews either!' the copilot suddenly announces. 'Oh yeah, why not?' asks the captain. 'Jews sink Titanic.' 'What? That's insane! Jews didn't sink the Titanic!' exclaims the captain, 'It was an iceberg!' 'Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg, Rosenberg ...no mattah... all same.'
Try to have fun I went to the store the other day, and I was in there for only about 5 minutes. When I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, 'Come on, buddy, how about giving a guy a break?' He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil-necked Nazi. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tyres! So I called him a piece of horse shit. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket! This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn't care. My car was parked around the corner. I try to have a little fun each day. It's important.

Insects

A boy and his father were playing ball in the front yard when the boy saw a honeybee. He ran over and stomped it. "Don't do that, that was a honeybee," his father said, "he wasn't doing anything to you. For killing him you will do without honey for a week." Later the boy saw a butterfly, so he ran over and stomped on it. "That was a butterfly," his father said, "he wasn't doing anything to you, and for killing him you will do without butter for a week." The next morning the family sat down for breakfast. The boy eating his toast plain with no honey or butter. Suddenly a cockroach ran out from under the stove. His mother stomped on it. The boy looked at his father and said, "Are you going to tell her, Dad, or should I?"

A mother was working in the
kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train
in the living room.
She heard the train stop & her son saying:

"All of you bastards who want
off, get the hell off now, 'cause this is the last stop!
And
all of you bastards who are getting on, get your ass in the train, Cause we're
going down the tracks."
The horrified mother went in &
told her son:

"We don't use that kind of
language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room & stay there for
TWO HOURS.
When you
come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice
language."
Two hours later, the son came out
of the bedroom & resumed playing with his train.
Soon the train stopped & the
mother heard her son say:

"All passengers who are
disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with
you.
We thank
you for traveling with us today & hope your trip was a pleasant one."
She hears the little boy continue:

"For
those of you just boarding, we ask you to store all of your hand luggage under
your seat.
Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you
will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."
As the mother began to smile, the
child added:

"For those of you who are
pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay,
please direct your complaints to the fat bitch in the
kitchen”

ANO ANG DAPAT GAWIN KUNG TINATAMAD KANG MAGTRABAHO ?

Sa buhay empleyado merong dalawang pagpipilian kung tinatamad kang magtrabaho.
A. Una ay umabsent.
1. Kapag umiikot na kaagad sa katawan mo ang katamaran pagkagising pa lang sa umaga ay mag-isip ka na kaagad ng palusot kung bakit ka aabsent. Paalala: dapat ay memoryado mo ang mga dahilang nagamit mo na dati (tip: gumawa ng isang logbook) ng sa gayon ay hindi ka parang sirang plakang nag-uulit lang lagi ng rason ng di pagpasok. Alalahanin na tuso din ang mga bossing.

2. Kapag nakaisip ka na ng magandang dahilan ay agad mag-text o tumawag sa bossing mo, the earlier the better. Kung ayaw mo ng madaming tanong e mag-text ka at kung nais mo namang tumawag ay siguraduhin mong magaling kang umarte kagaya ng kung ikaw ay kunwaring me sakit ay umubo ka ng paunti-unti habang kinakausap ang bossing mo.

3. Matapos mag-text/tumawag ay bumalik sa higaan at magplano ka na ng gusto mong gawin sa buong araw. Malaking posibilidad na magtutulog ka lang buong araw. Sya nga pala, kapag tumawag ang opisina sa kalagitnaan ng araw, laging tandaan ang rasong ginamit (consistent ka dapat), maaari namang i-off mo na lang ang phone mo para hindi ka maistorbo buong araw.
BABALA: Siguraduhing regular ka na sa kumpanyang pinagtratrabahuhan kung ikaw ay mag-aabsent.
B. Pangalawa ay pumasok
Eto ang dapat gawin ng mga empleyado kapag tinatamad magtrabaho pero ayaw umabsent. Ang mga taong ito ay nuknukan ng kapal ng mukha. Ang mga sumusunod na instructions ay napakasimple pero effective. Meron ding oras na nakatakda, magsisismula ng alas ocho ng umaga at magtatapos ng alas singko ng hapon.
1. Pumasok ng sakto sa oras. Huwag kang male-late at huwag ka din namang excited masyado. 8:00

2. Pagdating mo sa opisina ay ilapag mo lang kaagad ang gamit mo sa lamesa at magtungo kaagad sa pantry. Magtimpla ng kape o kung anuman ang iniinom mo pag umaga. Habang nasa loob ay makipag-usap sa mga tao doon, patagalin mo ang usapan (tip: pag-usapan ang mga headline ngayong araw o mga nangyari kahapon sa loob ng opisina). Kung walang tao sa pantry ay mag-yaya ka ng kasama bago pa man pumasok doon. 8:00-8:30

3. Matapos sa pantry ay magtungo na sa lamesa mo dala-dala pa din ang kape, ito ay para hindi ka antukin buong araw. Buksan ang computer. Matapos nito ay buksan ang mailbox mo. Basahin ang mga email...mapabago man o luma. Buksan lahat ng pedeng buksang attachments, makakabuti ito sa pagpapatagal ng oras. O kaya naman ay mag-email ka sa mga kakilala mong matagal mo ng di nakakamusta. Kapag di ka pa nakuntento ay gawing chat ang email (ito ay sa kadahilanang banned na ang halos lahat ng messengers sa mga kompanya...pati google talk di pinalagpas, mga hayop na IT yan). Pano? Mag-email ka sa kakilala mong alam mong merong access sa internet sa mga oras na yon tapos antayin ang reply...wholla! Instant chat session. Sya nga pala, habang ginagawa ang mga nasa taas ay huwag makakalimot inumin ang kape..lalamig ito. 8:30-9:30

4. Matapos ang makabuluhang paggamit ng computer ay magdala ng mga papel-papel at magtungo sa kung saan mo man nais. Mas maganda kung mukha kang aborido hawak ang mga props mo habang papaalis ng lamesa, ito ay para sabihin ng bossing mo sampu ng kasamahan mo sa trabaho na busy ka lagi. Magtungo sa ibang department na me kakilala at makipag-usap ng kung anu-ano. 9:30-10:00

5. Tignan mo nga naman. Alas dies na! Break time na ulit! Pagkatapos mag-lamyerda sa ibang department ay magtungo ulit sa puwesto at ibaba ang mga scratch paper na props. Dalhin ang tasa sa pantry at magtimpla ulit ng panibagong kape, libre ang kape kaya magtimpla ka lang ng magtimpla. Magtungo sa labas kung ikaw ay nag-yoyosi kung di naman ay manatili sa pantry at makipag-usap ka na lang sa mga tao doon. 10:00-10:15

6. Pagkatapos ng break ay bumalik sa lamesa at humarap sa computer (huwag ng magdala ng kape sa lamesa...tama na ang nainom mo, sisikmurain ka na sa sobrang gahaman). Tapos ka na sa mga emails mo, ngayon naman ay mag-internet ka na lang ng kung anik-anik. Pero bago mag-internet ay magbukas ka muna ng office document kahit wala kang balak gawin ang mga ito, makakatulong ang documentong ito mamya. Tapos ay mag-internet ka na. Paalala: dapat ay alerto ka sa mga tao sa paligid mo, kapag alam mong me padating pindutin ang ALT at TAB ng sabay. Ito ay para makapunta sa office document na binuksan mo kanina. Kung mabagal ang iyong reflexes ay dapat mabilis ka sa paggamit ng mouse para ma-click mo agad sa taskbar ung documentong nasabi. Kapag na-master mo na ang technique na ito ay di na mapapansin ng bossing mo na nag-iinternet ka lang sa mga oras na ito. 10:15-12:00

7. Tama na muna ang computer. Lunch break na! Alam mo na ang dapat gawin. 12:00-1:00

8. Pagkatapos kumain ay gawin ulit ang #5. Habang gingawa ito ay maglabas ulit ng mga scratch papers na para bang me hinahanap. Tandaan na dapat seryoso ang mukha mo habang gingawa ang mga ito (tip: ikunot ang noo para makakuha ng mukhang seryoso). 1:00-3:00

9. Break time na ulit. Ang bilis nga naman ng oras. Hala..punta na ulit sa pantry. Maaari ka na ulit mag-kape at makipag-chikahan. 3:00-3:15

10. Bumalik sa lamesa at guluhin ito sa pamamagitan ng paglabas ng sandamakmak na mga papel. Tapos ay gawin ulit and #5. Tignan ang oras sa computer mo. Kung 4:30 na ay simulan mo ng ayusin ang ginulong lamesa. Mag-ayos ayos ka na din ng sarili. Kung kasing kapal ng adobe ang mukha mo ay magtungo ka ulit sa pantry para mag-kape (tandaan na dapat me kasama sa pantry) o kaya naman ay gawin ang #3. Matapos ang lahat ng ito ay umuwi ka na, para mo ng awa...wala ka na ngang silbi ay nangdadamay ka pa ng iba sa katamaran mo. 3:15-5:00
BABALA: Wag mong ipapabasa ito sa bossing mo kung ayaw mong mawalan ka ng trabaho

The Dash Diet

By Michael A. Smith, MD

Hypertension is another name for high blood pressure. Blood pressure is the force exerted on artery walls when the heart is beating and when it is at rest.

The higher number is the "Systolic" pressure and is the pressure exerted on artery walls when the heart is in the contracting phase. The lower number is the "Diastolic" pressure and is the pressure exerted on artery walls when the heart is in the resting phase.

High blood pressure is a silent killer. If left unchecked, it can cause permanent damage, resulting in kidney failure, heart attack or stroke.

Blood pressure is considered high if the upper number (systolic pressure) is above 140 and the bottom number (diastolic pressure) is above 90 and stays there.

Although, many physicians believe these numbers are still too high. Soemthing like 130/80 might be what you need to shoot for in order to lower the risks of hypertension.

There are actually two types of high blood pressure. One is primary and the other is secondary. In secondary high blood pressure, usually something else causing it, like an overactive thyroid gland.

However, most people suffer from primary high blood pressure. The cause for high blood pressure in the primary form cannot be determined, but, while the cause may not be known, the treatment can still be effective.

Basic Rules for Controlling High Blood Pressure

1. Adjust your diet
2. Maintain a healthy weight
3. Exercise
4. Take medications as prescribed

There are also a few dietary interventions to start and help control your blood pressure...

Limit salt
Most medical experts recommend salt-sensitive persons limit salt to 2,000 milligrams per day. Watch out for "hidden" salt, found in butter flavorings, seasonings, tomato sauces, condiments and canned foods. Check with your healthcare practitioner before using a salt substitute.

Limit intake of high-fat foods
Try baking of broiling rather than frying.

Limit alcohol
Over consumption contributes to weakening of the heart muscle and to hypertension.

The Dash Diet

Follow the DASH diet. The Dash diet was designed to prevent high blood pressure, but it's also low in fat. The Dash diet is based on a 2,000-calorie- a-day meal plan. Check with your healthcare practitioner about whether the Dash diet may be the right diet for you.

Here is the Dash Diet...

• Low-fat or fat-free dairy 2-3 Servivings Daily
• Vegetables 4-5 Servings Daily
• Fruits 4-5 Servings Daily
• Grains and grain products 7-8 Servings Daily
• Meat, Poultry and fish 2 Servings Daily
• Nuts, seeds and beans 4-5 Servings per Week
• Fats and oils 2-3 Servings Daily
• Sweets 5 per Week

To Healthy Living!

Michael A. Smith, MD
Chief Medical Consultant
Diet Basics

Click the image to full view...