A z w e t h i n k w e i z

A city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
The next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died last night."

Kenny replied: "Well then, just give me my money back."

The farmer said: "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."

Kenny said: "OK then, just unload the donkey.."


The farmer asked: "What ya gonna do with him?"
Kenny: "I'm going to raffle him off." (Note: To raffle is to sell a thing by lottery - draw lot - to a group of people each paying the same amount for a ticket)

Farmer: "You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"


Kenny: "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead."

A month later the farmer met up with Kenny and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?" Kenny: "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars apiece and made a profit of $898.00."

Farmer: "Didn't anyone complain?"
Kenny: "Just the guy who won. So I gave him back his two dollars."

Kenny grew up and eventually became the chairman of Enron.

What Actually Love Is

Why do we close our eyes when we sleep? When we cry?

When we imagine? When we kiss?

This is because the most beautiful things in

the world are unseen.

We are all a little weird and life's a little weird

and when we find someone whose weirdness

is compatible with ours,

we join up with them and fall in

mutual weirdness and call it love.

There are things that we never want to let go of,

people we never want to leave behind,

but keep in mind that letting go isn't the end of the world,

it's the beginning of a new life.

Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt,

those who have searched and those who have tried.

For only they can appreciate the importance of the people

who have touched their lives.

A great love? It's when you shed tears and still

you care for him,

it's when he ignores you and still you long for him.

It's when he begins to love another and yet you still smile

and say I'm happy for you.

If love fails, set yourself free,

let your heart spread its wings and fly again.

Remember you may find love and lose it, but when love dies,

you never have to die with it.

The strongest people are not those who always win

but those who stand back up when they fall.

Somehow along the course of life,

you learn about yourself and realize

there should never be regrets,

only a lifelong appreciation of the choices you've made.

A true friend understands when you say, I forgot,

waits forever when you say, just a minute,

stays when you say leave me alone,

opens the door even before you knock and says can I come in?

Loving is not how you forget but how you forgive,

not how you listen but how you understand,

not what you see but how you feel,

and not how you let go but how you hold on.

It's more dangerous to weep inwardly rather than outwardly.

Outward tears can be wiped away while secret tears scar forever.

In love, very rarely do we win

but when love is true, even if you lose,

you still win just for having the tingle of loving someone

more than you love yourself.

There comes a time when we have to stop loving someone

not because that person has stopped loving us

but because we have found out

that they'd be happier if we let go.

It's best to wait for the one you want than settle for one that's available.

Best to wait for the one you love than one who is around.

Best to wait for the right one

because life is too short to waste on just someone.

Sometimes the one you love turns out to be the one who hurts you the most,

and sometimes the friend who takes you into his arms

and cries when you cry

turns out to be the love you never knew you wanted.

If you really love someone never let go,

don't believe that letting go means that you love best,

instead fight for your love,

that's what true love is.

Laugh to your heart's content; you cannot go

through life without it.

Ten tips on "How Not to Take Things to Heart", by Rachel Green Any interaction with another person, whether it is with your boss, a customer, your father or your friend has the opportunity to lead to hurt or irritation. Some people get hurt more easily than others.
They can be particularly sensitive and take things to heart.
Here are some tips to help you stop taking things personally so you can leave your interactions in a happier way.

1. Know why you are hurting
Know why you are hurting and respond accordingly. Are you hurting because of something that has happened in your history? Are you adding your history to the present moment and therefore adding fuel to something small and making it appear bigger? For example, if your mother has looked at you in a certain way since childhood and she's looked at you in the same way today - do you react because of the way she looked today or the way she looked at you as a child? If it's the latter, try reacting as if this was the first time you'd ever seen the look!

2. Laugh and make light of it
Laughter can be a wonderful cure and reliever. If you can keep light about a potential put-down then the put-down has no power. This doesn't mean that you leave yourself open to abuse. What it does mean is that you can more easily brush off potentially hurtful comments.

3. Tell someone else about what was said and turn it into a funny story
Tell someone else what has happened and tell it in a way that makes it funny. Do a caricature - exaggerate what was said - think of a funny line back ... build it up until it's funny - this will help the hurt to dissipate.

4. Delay your response
Many people retaliate very quickly before they've even had time to think through what has been said. It's a bit like someone throwing something at you. Would you just stand there and let it hurt you or would you duck? Delaying is like ducking. Pause before you respond. Then you give yourself time to think of a good response and to check that you're not adding hurt to what was said.

5. Think of the other person as being "unskilled"
Think of the other person as being "unskilled" rather than being "intimidating" , "bossy" or "aggressive" . I'll often say to myself, "Well that was an unskilled way of saying things, I wonder what she meant?" This helps me keep calm and non-reactive, yet still available to help the person.

6. Separate out what is specific to you
Sometimes people respond to a general complaint as if it is personally directed at them. Don't do this. Work out what is specifically about you and what is a general complaint that you happen to get because you were in the same place as the other person? When it's not specific to you, remind yourself of this, e.g. you might say to yourself, "This is about the company," or "He has obviously got a bad headache."

7. Monitor for sites of tension build up and let go before they develop.
Monitor for sites of tension build up and let go before they develop. Each of us will have physiological changes which occur early on in the process of becoming hurt. If you can catch your stomach tightening, your neck tightening or your hands grasping, early on, you have more chance of letting go and not hooking into the other person's comments or emotions. Someone in one of our workshops recently discovered she started clicking her nails as a sign that she was hooking in. What are your signs?

8. Keep breathing
Keep breathing in and out. No, I'm not joking! Some people hear something unpleasant and catch their breath and then don't let go of it. You're more likely to take something personally if you aren't breathing!

9. Breathe deeply
Breathe deeply so your breathing remains calm, regular and deep. Even in a meeting it's possible to put your hand on your midriff to give yourself a physical reminder to keep your breathing deep and regular. If your breathing speeds up and becomes shallow it could be a sign that you are getting hooked in.

10. Don't read criticism into something that's not intended as criticism
Don't read in something that wasn't there. It's easy to try and "read between the lines" and imagine what someone meant or what they were implying and then to react as though your interpretation is true. It may not be. Someone, for example, may have crossed his arms to stop his shoulders aching not because he didn't like what you said! Someone may be whispering to someone else as you walk in the room and you may assume they are talking about you. In fact they may be talking about their latest exploits with their new boyfriends. By not getting hurt and looking after yourself, you increase your chances of staying healthy and having even more caring to give to others.

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has cheated him out of ten million bucks. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not hear anything that he might have to testify about in court.

When the Godfather goes to confront the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language .

The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the 10 million bucks he embezzled from me is."

The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the money is. The bookkeeper signs back: "I don't know what you are talking about."

The attorney tells the Godfather: "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about." T

he Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper's temple and says, "Ask him again!" The attorney signs to the bookkeeper: "He'll kill you if you don't tell him!"

The bookkeeper signs back: "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens !"

The Godfather asks the attorney: "Well, what'd he say?"

The attorney replies: "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."

Don't you just love lawyers?

There are times in a person's life when he needs to take crucial decisions on his own. Marriage is one of them. Believe me, the decision on whom to marry is the most important decision a person will make in his life. After marriage, your wife is the most important person in your life. She can make or break your life. The mere thought of this is very frightening.

Some of the questions that crop up are -

a.. What sort of a girl do I marry?
b.. Will she adjust in my family?
c.. How can I decide on a girl by just meeting her for a few times?
d.. When should I get married?
e.. This is my life. So, I should choose the girl I marry, but then what if I make a mistake? .. so on and so forth.

The Nine Rules of Arranged Marriage

Rule 1 - Magic no. 28

In an ideal scenario, a girl goes to college at the age of 18. By the time she graduates, goes for her post graduation and/ or works for 1-2 years, she will be about 23- 24. This means that she has spent about 5 years away from her home. In the 5 years period, she would meet many smart guys at college or during her first few years on job. So, in all probability it would be difficult to find a good girl older than 24 yrs. Secondly, in Indian families there is lot of pressure on the girl's to get married by the time they become 24-25.

Statistics says that there is a generation gap after every 5 years. So, in such scenario, one would prefer to marry a girl who is about 3-4 years younger to you. Thus, working backwards, an ideal age for a guy to get married is by 28. Earlier the marriage, the better it is.

Well, as we all know, in the current market scenario, there will never be stability in our career. So, I believe there is no such thing as, "I will marry when I settle down".

Rule 2 -- Subset of Marriage-able Girls

At times you hear statements like, "I am not getting the right match, I will look after 3 months, I will find a better match then". Well the truth is otherwise. The subset of unmarried girl looking for a match is fixed. From this subset, there would be girls who would get married & there would be new girls added who would be looking for a match. The net result is that at any given time, the variety & number of marriage-able girls are fixed.

Rule 3 - Competition for Girls

Like all other facets of life, there is lot of competition for good girls. So, if you are looking for a girl who is post graduate, done her Engg, is working, very beautiful, smart, from a good family etc. etc, just think again. There are other guys who are also looking for similar girls & probably they are better off than you in terms of career, looks personality etc. Given a choice every guy would like to marry Aishwarya Rai. So, set your expectations accordingly.

Rule 4 -- Understanding Girls

You would have met a lot of people during your life. As we all know, its difficult to judge a person based on a few meetings. I am sure you would agree with me that in case of girls it is even more difficult to understand them in a few meetings. I know people who are still trying to understand their wife. ;-).. Understanding your spouse is a life long assignment. So, then how do you select a girl based on a few meeting? This is where you need to take the help of your parents/ friends & latest technologies like email/chat to choose your girl.

Rule 5 - Society Expectation

The selection process is tough on every one who is involved in the process. In arranged marriage, involvement of family & society is pretty high. You can't meet a girl 3-4 times & then say no to her. It is bad for her future. So, you should have a good short-listing criterion. Meet only a few girls & be sure what you are looking for. It is for the benefit of everyone involved.

Rule 6 -- Marriage Between Equals

Unlike love marriage, in arranged marriage you also marry into the girl's family. In arranged marriages, family support plays a major role in ensuring a successful marriage. This is where the compatibility of social status, family values & caste/religion plays a major role. Its important to note that in case there is a perfect match between the two families, the marriage is destined to succeed.

Rule 7 - Know Yourself

Unlike love marriage, in arranged marriage you first marry a person & then fall in love. So, it's very important that you do a self-assessment on the kind of person you would love. They say, "Opposite attract", while they also say, "Bird of same feather flock together". So, you take a call on what sort of person you like. Take a pen & paper; write down the kind of attributes you are looking for in a girl. Say, she should ideally have the looks of Sonia, the style of Monica, the voice of Sheena, the patience of Rashmi. You will certainly not find the perfect girl, but then you would have a good idea of what you are looking for. The secret here is to set some minimum criteria for selection. Don't forget rule no.3 here.

Rule 8 -- Girl's Beauty

A girl's looks attract, but then no one wants to end up marrying a dumb It is like buying your bike. When you initially buy it, you are crazy about the looks, but later on you love it for its reliability, fuel economy & comfort level. Similarly, a girl's looks are important, but then it should not be the most important criteria. Later on in life, you will get bored of her looks. It is then that her personality & behavior will make all the difference to your marriage. I am sure your parents will be able to advice you a lot better on this topic.

Rule 9 -- Taking advice

As I have mentioned in the next rule, it's very important that the final decision on whom to marry must necessarily be yours. However, don't do the mistake of isolating yourself from the world while planning your marriage. Discuss with your parents & very close friends on this issue. They are your well wishers. Secondly, in such important matters its necessary that you analyze all possibilities. Remember, I am not suggesting that you follow others' advice, but don't forget to take their advice. Rule 10 -- Own decision All said & done, it's your marriage & your life that is at stake. Once you are married, you & your wife are the only persons who will be facing the music. Don't marry a girl just because your parents or friends asked you to do so.
After marriage, if things don't work out & you end up saying, "It's because of my friends or my parents that I married you", then your marriage is destined for disaster. If the girl is of your choice, it is you who will be responsible for whatever happens. That's when the marriage works out perfectly. So, ensure that you marry the girl of your choice.

How to approach the selection process?

From the day, a person decides to get married; the selection process takes a minimum of 3 months. The whole process needs a lot of patience & commitment.
The ideal steps to be followed are:

a.. Definition phase – Define the minimum criteria for the kind of life partner you are looking for in terms of education, physical appearance, social status, family values, future career plans. Remember the Rule 3 here.

b.. Lead Generation phase – Place ads in various newspapers, magazines, websites, through friends, family friends, family societies & association etc. You need to exhaust all possible means of getting bio-datas at one go. Remember the Rule 2 here.

c.. Short listing phase – Based on your selection criteria, short-list the interesting bio-datas. The general process followed for correspondence is as follows:
1. The initiator sends a one page profile of himself/herself.
2. Based on the profile, the receiver sends his/her one page profile along with request for detailed profile, photo, horoscope.
3. The initiator then sends the requested information along with a request for similar information.
4. The receiver send similar information.
5. If the bio-data is selected, it is passed over to the next phase.

A.. Casual interaction phase – Based on short listing, about 7 to 10 bio-datas are taken forwarded to this phase. The next step to follow here is to exchange email/ chat ids. The guy & the girl then interact for 10 - 15 days to try & judge mutual compatibility through email/chat.

B.. Family interaction phase – Based on the earlier phase, about 5 leads are taken for consideration in this phase. During this phase, the parents get involved & check the background information about the families to find mutual compatibility.

C.. The dating phase – Based on the earlier phase about 3 leads are taken forward to this phase. During this phase, the guy & the girl interact by going out alone for 2-3 times. The guy needs to prepare a set of simple questions like who is your favorite star, what are your hobbies? He needs to use his judgment to analyze the girl based on her responses.

D.. The D-day phase – Finally, the D-day comes when the guy has to select the girl he wants to spend his life with. If the process if followed systematically, there will be no ambiguity in deciding who should be your life partner.

Finally, my dear friends, marriage is all about compromises. In spite of all the planning that you do, there are a lot of uncertainties in a marriage. In fact this is the best part about marriage. Just remember that the person you marry must be of your choice. In such case, there would be no going back for both of you.

A few words of advice: To make your marriage a success; just believe in the age-old virtue, "Never do anything to others that you don't like for yourself".