PCMCIA: People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
ISDN: It Still Does Nothing
APPLE: Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
SCSI: System Can't See It
DOS: Defective Operating System
BASIC: Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control
IBM: I Blame Microsoft DEC: Do Expect Cuts
CD-ROM: Consumer Device - Rendered Obsolete in Months
OS/2: Obsolete Soon, Too.
WWW: World Wide Wait
MACINTOSH: Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs
PENTIUM: Produces Erroneous Numbers Thru Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics
AMIGA: A Merely Insignificant Game Addiction
LISP: Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parentheses
MIPS: Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
WINDOWS: Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers
RISC: Reduced Into Silly Code
1. Fine - This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
2. Five Minutes - If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
3. Nothing - This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
4. Go Ahead - This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
5. Loud Sigh - This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
6. That's Okay - This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
7. Thanks - A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . that will bring on a 'whatever').
8. Whatever - Is a woman's way of saying F**K YOU!
9. Don't Worry About It. I Got It - Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.
GLOBALIZATION:
Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization?
Answer: Princess Diana's death.
Question: How come?
Answer: An English princess
with an Egyptian boyfriend
crashes in a French tunnel,
driving a German car
with a Dutch engine,
driven by a Belgian who was drunk
on Scottish whisky, (check the bottle before you change the
spelling)
followed closely by Italian Paparazzi,
on Japanese motorcycles;
treated by an American doctor,
using Brazilian medicines.
This is sent to you by an African,
using Bill Gates's - (an American)technology
and you're probably reading this on your computer, that use Taiwanese
chips,
and a Korean monitor,
assembled by Bangladeshi workers
in a Singaporeplant,
transported by Indian
lorry-drivers,
hijacked by Indonesians,
unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen,
and trucked to you by Mexicans
..and now being read by a Filipino who should be working instead!
That, my friend, is Globalization.
In what other language do people drive in a parkway and park in a driveway?
Why does night fall but never break and day break but never fall?
Why is it that when we transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when we transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
Why are people who ride motorcycles called bikers and people who ride bikes called cyclists?
In what other language do thay call the third hand on the clock the second hand?
Why is it called a TV set when you get only one?
Why - in our crazy language - can your nose run and your feet smell? Sometimes you have to believe that all English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane:
If olive oil is made of olives, what do they make baby oil from?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian consume?
A writer is someone who writes, and a stinger is something that stings.
But fingers don't fing and grocers don't groce.
If the plural of tooth is teeth, shouldn't the plural of booth be beeth?
If the teacher taught, why isn't it also true that the preacher praught?
If harmless actions are the opposite of harmful actions, why are shameless and shameful behavior the same?
English is a language in which you can turn a light on and you can turn a light off and you can turn a light out, but you can't turn a light in;
In which the sun comes up and goes down, but prices go up and come down.
In which your nose can simultaneously burn up and burn down and your car can slow up and slow down, in which you can fill in a form by filling out a form and in which your alarm clock goes off by going on.
English is a crazy language. What is it that when the sun or the moon or the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible?; and why when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I shall end it?
(NaturalNews) Stress is a big challenge in life nowadays. The sources of stress are many and the helpful ways to reduce stress are also plentiful. Common symptoms of stress include skin problems, impotence, stomach ulcers, high blood pressure, fatigue, insomnia and frustration.
We don't need to set a time to reduce stress, we need to incorporate some strategies in our daily life routine to prevent stress and reduce its effect on the body.
Here are 11 simple steps we can easily take to reduce stress:
1. Define your goals: we must define our life goals and begin to achieve these goals; this action will support us against stress because we will feel that we know what our life purpose is and why, and that we control our own lives.
2. Take control of your diet: we can use simple ways in our diet plans to reduce stress by avoiding some stimulants such as coffee, alcohol, tea and sugar and we can use chamomile tea as an alternative because of its calming and relaxing effect. We need to eat slowly in a calm environment to allow our digestive system to work well. We can use honey as an alternative to sugar but in small amounts (one or two spoonfuls per day).
3. Take hot baths regularly: after a very busy day or when we feel that we need to relax (I do this three times a week). You can take a hot bath by sitting in warm to hot water and the water level should be above the waist, using lavender oil can also enhance this relaxing experience.
4. Aromatherapy: in the office you can use aromatherapy to relax and avoid stress. One of the best ways is to use lavender oil on a source of heat and take in the scent; this is a great way to relax during the day when you need it the most.
5. Exercise: This is one of the important things you can do which will reduce stress and bring happiness. When we exercise, our brains release substances which bring feelings of happiness and relaxation; we need engage in some exercise regularly such as walking, dancing or swimming.
6. Breathing techniques: Yoga, meditation and Tai Chi all use deep breathing techniques. To meditate, simply sit with closed eyes and concentrate on your breathing. Breathing deeply regularly is great for health and from there, you can learn various other breathing techniques to gain enhanced benefits.
7. Relaxation techniques and self hypnotherapy: we can easily do this after the hot bath to relax even more, simply sit or lie down in a comfortable place with your eyes closed, imagine there is a spot light above your head and concentrate on it, then concentrate on your body part by part and try to relax the body and feel the relaxation deepening -- you can also use a self hypnotherapy audio tape to help in this process.
8. Massage: this is a great way to reduce stress, I do this when other ways fail, I feel better after receiving a massage. You can get a professional massage or you can simply ask your partner to massage you.
9. Spiritual healing: prayers and the act of helping others are very important components for happiness and stress reduction. You will feel calmer and have a sense of inner peace.
10. Talking through your problems: talking about your feelings acts as a releasing mechanism and you will soon find that talking about your problems with your partner or best friend may help the solution to the problem come to light and will help to release blocked emotions.
11. Multivitamins: I take a Vitamin B complex regularly to decrease stress and this has been a great help in my stress reduction. I hope that you find these suggestions helpful, my hope in sharing this information with you is that you can benefit from it. Reading about this is not enough to reduce stress, you must take action.
About the author
M.B.B.C.H, Physician, D.H.P. , D.C.M.T, S.N.H.S Dip. (Nutrition),
S.N.H.S Dip. (Herbalism), I.R.F member, Reiki master,
Member of the Royle Institute of Hypnotherapy and Psychotherapy,
Member of the Complete Mind therapists Association,
Member of the International Reiki Federation
What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays unchanged.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urina`ing Place.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress = $5000. Wedding Dress Rental for U = $100.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hair style lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier.









