A z w e t h i n k w e i z

Buddha, one day, was in deep thought about the worldly activities and the ways of instilling goodness in human beings. One of his disciples approached him and said humbly " Oh my teacher! While you are so much concerned about the world and others, why don't you look in to the welfare and needs of your own disciples also." Buddha : "OK.. Tell me how I can help you"

Disciple : "Master! My attire is worn out and is beyond the decency to wear the same. Can I get a new one, please?"

Buddha found the robe indeed was in a bad condition and needed replacement. He asked the store keeper to give the disciple a new robe to wear on. The disciple thanked Buddha and retired to his room. A while later, he went to his disciple's place and asked him "Is your new attire comfortable? Do you need anything more ?"

Disciple : "Thank you my Master. The attire is indeed very comfortable. I need nothing more"

Buddha : "Having got the new one, what did you do with your old attire?"

Disciple : "I am using it as my bed spread"

Buddha : "Then.. hope you have disposed off your old bed spread"

Disciple : " No.. no.. master. I am using my old bedspread as my window curtain"

Buddha : " What about your old Curtain? "

Disciple : "Being used to handle hot utensils in the kitchen "

Buddha : "Oh.. I see.. Can you tell me what did they do with the old cloth they used in Kitchen "

Disciple : "They are being used to wash the floor. "

Buddha : " Then, the old rug being used to wash the floor...? "

Disciple: " Master, since they were torn off so much, we could not find any better use, but to use as a twig in the oil lamp, which is right now lit in your study room.... "

Buddha smiled in contentment and left for his room.

If not to this degree of utilization, can we at least attempt to find the best use of all our resources at home and in office? We need to handle wisely, all the resources earth has bestowed us with both natural and material so that they can be saved for the generations to come.

For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free.
Here's an update for you: Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY?
Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.
1. Men are like Laxatives... They irritate the crap out of you.
2. Men are like. Bananas... The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like Weather. Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like Chocolate Bars.. Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like Commercials. You can't believe a word they say.
7. Men are like Department Stores... Their clothes are always 1/2 off!
8. Men are like Government Bonds..... They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like. Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like Popcorn. They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like Snowstorms. You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like Lava Lamps. Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like Parking Spots All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

Theorem 1. A sheet of writing paper is a lazy dog.
Proof: A sheet of paper is an ink-lined plane. An inclined plane is a slope up. A slow pup is a lazy dog. Therefore, a sheet of writing paper is a lazy dog.

Theorem 2. A peanut butter sandwich is better than eternal happiness.
Proof: A peanut butter sandwich is better than nothing. But nothing is better than eternal happiness. Therefore, a peanut butter sandwich is better than eternal happiness.

Theorem 3. A crocodile is longer than it is wide.
Proof: A crocodile is long on the top and the bottom, but it is green only on the top; consequently, a crocodile is longer than it is green. A crocodile is green along both its length and width, but it is wide only along its width; consequently, a crocodile is greener than it is wide. Therefore, a crocodile is longer than it is wide. Q.E.D.

Theorem 4. Every horse has an infinite number of legs.
Proof : Horses have an even number of legs. Behind they have two legs, and in front they have fore legs. This makes six legs, which is certainly an odd number of legs for a horse. But the only number that is both odd and even is infinity. Therefore, horses have an infinite number of legs.

Theorem 5. Napoleon was a poor general.
Proof: Most men have an even number of arias. Napoleon was warned that Wellington would meet him at Waterloo. To be forewarned is to be forearmed. But four arms is certainly an odd number of arms for a man. The only number that is both even and odd is infinity. Therefore, Napoleon had an infinite number of arms in his battle against Wellington. Since Napoleon still lost the battle, he must have been a very poor general indeed.

Theorem 6. If 1/0 = ¥ , then 1/¥ = 0.
Proof (by rotation). Given 1/0 = ¥ , rotate both sides 90° counterclockwise and obtain -10 = 8 . Subtract 8 from both sides: - 18 = 0. Finally, rotate both sides 90° in the reverse direction: 1/¥ = 0.

Theorem 7. Death comes to no man.
Proof. As is well known and celebrated in legend and song, when we approach death, our whole life flashes in front of us. This short review—if it is to be complete—must also include the moment we approached death and the flashback of our life. But this second flash must by the necessity of completeness include another flash of life. And that flashback must include still another and another, etc., etc. Hence, although we may approach death, all eternity is not enough time for us to reach it.

Theorem 8. All governments are unjust.
Proof: To establish the truth of this proposition we need only show it true for an arbitrary government. But by definition, a government that is arbitrary is unjust.

Theorem 9. Christmas = Halloween = Thanksgiving (at least for assembly language programmers) .
Proof: By definition, Christmas = Dec. 25; Halloween = Aug. 31; Thanksgiving = Nov. 27, sometimes. Again by definition,
Dec 25 is 25 base 10 or (2 x 10) + (5 x 1) = 25.
Oct 31 is 31 base 8 or (3 x 8) + (1 x 1) = 25.
Nov 27 is 27 base 9 or (2 x 9) + (7 x 1) = 25

There is a cute small round press button at the bottom right corner of almost all monitors: Please make use of this..

Stop printing out Harry Porter, Jeffrey Archer and other e-books. This is a classic example of paper wastage.

If you have forgotten to give double-side prints, make sure you make use of the empty sides as scribbling pads or for your kids' imposition!

Take two minutes from your busy schedule before hurrying back home to shut down the computer.

All of us are big time Googlers. Have you heard of the Blackle search engine? Blackle (Google powered) is a search engine designed all in Rich Black so that your system consumes less power. So change your homepage.

Plastic bags these days indeed come in bright and flamboyant colours and tempt us to take them home with us. But the saying, "Appearances are deceptive" holds true for these plastic things too. Next time, hold back or go prepared to counter temptation with a cloth bag.

Roses, Jasmine, Hibiscus and Peas; All these saplings cost hardly between Rs 10 - 20 each. Can't we afford to plant these in and around our houses? Also, more importantly, caring and maintain them as they grow?

Try to segregate the different kinds of waste into Bio-Degradable (Fruit or vegetable waste) , Recyclable (waste Paper, paper products) and Electronics (Floppy disks, CD-ROMS ). Once you have segregated your thrash, look for specialized trash cans to throw them away.

Try to minimize the use of horns. Honking has drastically increased and this adds to the noise pollution and does not provide a conducive environment to live in.

Use rechargeable batteries though it's an expensive product, it's one-time purchase. Recharge when required. (Same applies to cell-phones, MP3s, iPods and Laptops)

The best pens to use would be ink ones. Though if you have to use a ball point pen, buy refills instead of buying new pens. Pencils are much better for rough use! (That's why we used it at school!!!)

Remember to close water taps before preening in front of the mirror. Of course you are beautiful, but Water is a precious resource!

Let's not just wake up and walk out of finished meetings and conferences with a sigh of relief, let us remember to turn off the lights and projectors too.

Take few minutes to learn about topics like 'Global Warming' , 'Air / Noise /Land / Water Pollution ' etc apart from constant surfing of News, Latest Gadgets, Movies and Music.

Spread this message to your friends and colleagues. They too can make a difference.

The Earth has already become a dangerous place to live in for the animals and birds. Soon it might be our turn. So let's pledge to save our beautiful planet so that you and your future generations can live happily and peacefully ever after.

" NO GREATER SHAME TO MAN THAN INHUMANITY"

Ques: Prove that 2/10=2

Ans : Normal college students insist Question is "OUT of Syllabus" or incorrect.

but

Engineering Students never knows what is correct answer, he/she always think, we are Engineering student and so we should think differently and invent new miracles

So engineering student will solve this example as below
2=two,
10=ten.

therefore Two/Ten = Two/Ten = wo/en.

w=23,
o=15,
e=5,
n=14.

therefore

w+o=23+15=38
&
e+n=5+14=19

Therefore wo/en=38/19= 2.

Hence Proved

FOR, Engineers " It doesn't matter ans kya hai, they say ans kya lana he."

A Little Guy
A little guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his drink for half an hour when this big trouble-making biker steps next to him, grabs his drink, gulps it down in one swig and then turns to the guy with a menacing stare as if to say, 'What'cha gonna do about it?' The poor little guy starts crying. 'Come on man I was just giving you a hard time,' the biker says. 'I didn't think you'd CRY.' 'I can't stand to see a man crying. "This is the worst day of my life," says the little guy between sobs. "I can't do anything right." "I overslept and was late to an important meeting, so my boss fired me." When I went to the parking lot, I found my car was stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife in bed with the gardener and my dog bit me. So I came to this bar trying to work up the courage to put an end to my life, and then you show up and drink the damn poison.

A plane leaves Los Angeles airport under the control of a Jewish captain. His copilot is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together, and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike. Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captain activates the auto-pilot, leans back in his seat, and mutters, 'I don't like Chinese.' 'No like Chinese?' asks the copilot, '....why not?' 'You people bombed Pearl Harbor, that's why !' 'No, no,' the co-pilot protests, 'Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah! That Japanese, not Chinese.' 'Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese.. . doesn't matter, you're all alike!' There's a few minutes of silence. 'I no like Jews either!' the copilot suddenly announces. 'Oh yeah, why not?' asks the captain. 'Jews sink Titanic.' 'What? That's insane! Jews didn't sink the Titanic!' exclaims the captain, 'It was an iceberg!' 'Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg, Rosenberg ...no mattah... all same.'
Try to have fun I went to the store the other day, and I was in there for only about 5 minutes. When I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, 'Come on, buddy, how about giving a guy a break?' He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil-necked Nazi. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tyres! So I called him a piece of horse shit. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket! This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn't care. My car was parked around the corner. I try to have a little fun each day. It's important.

Insects

A boy and his father were playing ball in the front yard when the boy saw a honeybee. He ran over and stomped it. "Don't do that, that was a honeybee," his father said, "he wasn't doing anything to you. For killing him you will do without honey for a week." Later the boy saw a butterfly, so he ran over and stomped on it. "That was a butterfly," his father said, "he wasn't doing anything to you, and for killing him you will do without butter for a week." The next morning the family sat down for breakfast. The boy eating his toast plain with no honey or butter. Suddenly a cockroach ran out from under the stove. His mother stomped on it. The boy looked at his father and said, "Are you going to tell her, Dad, or should I?"

A mother was working in the
kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train
in the living room.
She heard the train stop & her son saying:

"All of you bastards who want
off, get the hell off now, 'cause this is the last stop!
And
all of you bastards who are getting on, get your ass in the train, Cause we're
going down the tracks."
The horrified mother went in &
told her son:

"We don't use that kind of
language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room & stay there for
TWO HOURS.
When you
come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice
language."
Two hours later, the son came out
of the bedroom & resumed playing with his train.
Soon the train stopped & the
mother heard her son say:

"All passengers who are
disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with
you.
We thank
you for traveling with us today & hope your trip was a pleasant one."
She hears the little boy continue:

"For
those of you just boarding, we ask you to store all of your hand luggage under
your seat.
Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you
will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."
As the mother began to smile, the
child added:

"For those of you who are
pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay,
please direct your complaints to the fat bitch in the
kitchen”

ANO ANG DAPAT GAWIN KUNG TINATAMAD KANG MAGTRABAHO ?

Sa buhay empleyado merong dalawang pagpipilian kung tinatamad kang magtrabaho.
A. Una ay umabsent.
1. Kapag umiikot na kaagad sa katawan mo ang katamaran pagkagising pa lang sa umaga ay mag-isip ka na kaagad ng palusot kung bakit ka aabsent. Paalala: dapat ay memoryado mo ang mga dahilang nagamit mo na dati (tip: gumawa ng isang logbook) ng sa gayon ay hindi ka parang sirang plakang nag-uulit lang lagi ng rason ng di pagpasok. Alalahanin na tuso din ang mga bossing.

2. Kapag nakaisip ka na ng magandang dahilan ay agad mag-text o tumawag sa bossing mo, the earlier the better. Kung ayaw mo ng madaming tanong e mag-text ka at kung nais mo namang tumawag ay siguraduhin mong magaling kang umarte kagaya ng kung ikaw ay kunwaring me sakit ay umubo ka ng paunti-unti habang kinakausap ang bossing mo.

3. Matapos mag-text/tumawag ay bumalik sa higaan at magplano ka na ng gusto mong gawin sa buong araw. Malaking posibilidad na magtutulog ka lang buong araw. Sya nga pala, kapag tumawag ang opisina sa kalagitnaan ng araw, laging tandaan ang rasong ginamit (consistent ka dapat), maaari namang i-off mo na lang ang phone mo para hindi ka maistorbo buong araw.
BABALA: Siguraduhing regular ka na sa kumpanyang pinagtratrabahuhan kung ikaw ay mag-aabsent.
B. Pangalawa ay pumasok
Eto ang dapat gawin ng mga empleyado kapag tinatamad magtrabaho pero ayaw umabsent. Ang mga taong ito ay nuknukan ng kapal ng mukha. Ang mga sumusunod na instructions ay napakasimple pero effective. Meron ding oras na nakatakda, magsisismula ng alas ocho ng umaga at magtatapos ng alas singko ng hapon.
1. Pumasok ng sakto sa oras. Huwag kang male-late at huwag ka din namang excited masyado. 8:00

2. Pagdating mo sa opisina ay ilapag mo lang kaagad ang gamit mo sa lamesa at magtungo kaagad sa pantry. Magtimpla ng kape o kung anuman ang iniinom mo pag umaga. Habang nasa loob ay makipag-usap sa mga tao doon, patagalin mo ang usapan (tip: pag-usapan ang mga headline ngayong araw o mga nangyari kahapon sa loob ng opisina). Kung walang tao sa pantry ay mag-yaya ka ng kasama bago pa man pumasok doon. 8:00-8:30

3. Matapos sa pantry ay magtungo na sa lamesa mo dala-dala pa din ang kape, ito ay para hindi ka antukin buong araw. Buksan ang computer. Matapos nito ay buksan ang mailbox mo. Basahin ang mga email...mapabago man o luma. Buksan lahat ng pedeng buksang attachments, makakabuti ito sa pagpapatagal ng oras. O kaya naman ay mag-email ka sa mga kakilala mong matagal mo ng di nakakamusta. Kapag di ka pa nakuntento ay gawing chat ang email (ito ay sa kadahilanang banned na ang halos lahat ng messengers sa mga kompanya...pati google talk di pinalagpas, mga hayop na IT yan). Pano? Mag-email ka sa kakilala mong alam mong merong access sa internet sa mga oras na yon tapos antayin ang reply...wholla! Instant chat session. Sya nga pala, habang ginagawa ang mga nasa taas ay huwag makakalimot inumin ang kape..lalamig ito. 8:30-9:30

4. Matapos ang makabuluhang paggamit ng computer ay magdala ng mga papel-papel at magtungo sa kung saan mo man nais. Mas maganda kung mukha kang aborido hawak ang mga props mo habang papaalis ng lamesa, ito ay para sabihin ng bossing mo sampu ng kasamahan mo sa trabaho na busy ka lagi. Magtungo sa ibang department na me kakilala at makipag-usap ng kung anu-ano. 9:30-10:00

5. Tignan mo nga naman. Alas dies na! Break time na ulit! Pagkatapos mag-lamyerda sa ibang department ay magtungo ulit sa puwesto at ibaba ang mga scratch paper na props. Dalhin ang tasa sa pantry at magtimpla ulit ng panibagong kape, libre ang kape kaya magtimpla ka lang ng magtimpla. Magtungo sa labas kung ikaw ay nag-yoyosi kung di naman ay manatili sa pantry at makipag-usap ka na lang sa mga tao doon. 10:00-10:15

6. Pagkatapos ng break ay bumalik sa lamesa at humarap sa computer (huwag ng magdala ng kape sa lamesa...tama na ang nainom mo, sisikmurain ka na sa sobrang gahaman). Tapos ka na sa mga emails mo, ngayon naman ay mag-internet ka na lang ng kung anik-anik. Pero bago mag-internet ay magbukas ka muna ng office document kahit wala kang balak gawin ang mga ito, makakatulong ang documentong ito mamya. Tapos ay mag-internet ka na. Paalala: dapat ay alerto ka sa mga tao sa paligid mo, kapag alam mong me padating pindutin ang ALT at TAB ng sabay. Ito ay para makapunta sa office document na binuksan mo kanina. Kung mabagal ang iyong reflexes ay dapat mabilis ka sa paggamit ng mouse para ma-click mo agad sa taskbar ung documentong nasabi. Kapag na-master mo na ang technique na ito ay di na mapapansin ng bossing mo na nag-iinternet ka lang sa mga oras na ito. 10:15-12:00

7. Tama na muna ang computer. Lunch break na! Alam mo na ang dapat gawin. 12:00-1:00

8. Pagkatapos kumain ay gawin ulit ang #5. Habang gingawa ito ay maglabas ulit ng mga scratch papers na para bang me hinahanap. Tandaan na dapat seryoso ang mukha mo habang gingawa ang mga ito (tip: ikunot ang noo para makakuha ng mukhang seryoso). 1:00-3:00

9. Break time na ulit. Ang bilis nga naman ng oras. Hala..punta na ulit sa pantry. Maaari ka na ulit mag-kape at makipag-chikahan. 3:00-3:15

10. Bumalik sa lamesa at guluhin ito sa pamamagitan ng paglabas ng sandamakmak na mga papel. Tapos ay gawin ulit and #5. Tignan ang oras sa computer mo. Kung 4:30 na ay simulan mo ng ayusin ang ginulong lamesa. Mag-ayos ayos ka na din ng sarili. Kung kasing kapal ng adobe ang mukha mo ay magtungo ka ulit sa pantry para mag-kape (tandaan na dapat me kasama sa pantry) o kaya naman ay gawin ang #3. Matapos ang lahat ng ito ay umuwi ka na, para mo ng awa...wala ka na ngang silbi ay nangdadamay ka pa ng iba sa katamaran mo. 3:15-5:00
BABALA: Wag mong ipapabasa ito sa bossing mo kung ayaw mong mawalan ka ng trabaho